Lessons from a Grandchild

mother holding child in rocking chair

mother holding child in rocking chair

“Sometimes I need
only to stand
wherever I am
to be blessed.”

~Mary Oliver

I am babysitting my grandson, so my son and his wife can have an evening alone. I have been at their house a few days and have let Henry take the lead in deciding when and how much to trust his Montana Gma, how close to let her come. He gives me cues. I follow. He has started coming to me. Just a little. I am happy to have that.

So here I am in their cozy home, for a little while, alone with this sweet sleeping child.  I hear him crying.  I go to my grandson in his little bed on the floor in the corner of his parents’ room. He is crying in the darkness, woken from a dream, or maybe from a dreamless sleep … by something. A chill? A small sound? The cat stepping across his blanket?  Or just coming to the light part of his sleeping when any little thing will make him drift up from sleep like a bubble of air rising in still water.

He is used to his mommy or daddy cuddling on the bed when he wakes in the night, so I try that… but I smell different. My humming voice sounds different. My body bigger, not mama’s not dada’s. He looks at me in the dark with wide eyes and cries some more. His daddy told me to try cuddling, try milk, try just rubbing his back. Try not to bring him out into the kitchen/living room into the light…well, that’s not working … so we go into the kitchen to make a bottle of milk.

He cries quietly in my arms. Watches me make the bottle. We go back into the darkened bedroom, wrap up in a fuzzy blanket and sit in the rocking chair. He pushes the milk on the floor. Not having that! I keep rocking. I whisper the song I used to sing to his daddy. I love you … bigger than a great big whale, softer than a bunny, greener than the grass. I love you farther than the farthest star, taller than a redwood tree, deeper than the sea… and within minutes he is breathing slow and calm, sleeping on my chest.

Regardless of how hard you try to follow the rules, to be good, you will always be led to what you’re meant to learn. The rhythm of things, of sleep and waking and grief. The movement. The heartbeat. The connection of breath to breath. This is what you needed to learn. To follow your heart. And that was always to sit holding him, breathing with your face resting on the top of his head, smelling the sweetness of his long curls and his soft baby skin. Tears wetting your cheek and the top of his head. Crying in the half-dark, not from sadness, or any sort of disconnect but from the wild and precious connection you feel with this small child. This child who possesses a piece of you. Who holds a big part of your heart in his chubby little hand and makes little sleeping noises against your chest.

In this moment. In the darkness. In the quiet warm house you know all you need to know and you stay rocking him for longer than you need to.

___________________

I end with an excerpt from another poem by Mary Oliver, Invitation:

… believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing

just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in the broken world.
I beg of you,

It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
You must change your life.

___________________

Links for this Post:

An Open Letter to the Teens in My Life

girl leaning on window

girl leaning on windowDear beautiful young woman:
It is true.
You are beautiful.
You are strong. You are solid
with a will like an arrow
and eyes like the sun.
Your heart will attract love.
You will be cherished
and protected like you
have always wished you had been.

Do you believe what I am saying?

 girl's hands with sea urchin
You have a gift.
Plant that knowledge in your heart.
Water it with understanding and strength and
with the same tenderness you have
when you care for your child.
Someday you will blossom
because you cared and because someone else
loved that little girl in you – the best you.
I want you to get that – really get it deep and strong.

Do you believe you have a gift?

Girl looking out the window
Maybe you have been passed
from one place to another, unwanted.
Or … made bad choices and had to learn the hard way.
You were hard when I met you. Angry. Hurt.
Have you ever felt wanted? Have you
ever felt what’s like to be safe
in the presence of another human being?
Have you ever known what it’s like
to be someone’s priority?

Do you believe that right now you are someone’s priority?

girl brushing hair back
I am saying only what’s true: you are important.
You are worth it. You deserve it. And it’s true that
today – this very moment – you have a chance
to grab on to your beautiful future. Never let it go.
Do something amazing!
There are folks right here who, even when
you are in trouble, never give up on you.
They give you some love and they give you room
to be the beauty they know you are.

Do you believe you deserve that kind of regard?

Girl with serious look
Yes, beautiful young woman.  You are beautiful.
You are smart and strong and capable.
Figure out how to be comfortable being you.
Open your eyes
believe in yourself.
You know what’s right and what’s wrong.
You can see what you want.
Let your best self be in charge.

Do you believe you have a best self? Do you know how to find her?

portrait of a teen
So … you fell back today. That’s the old you.
At least you care – when I first met you, you didn’t care.
Now you care that you let someone down:
your child. your family. the people who love you and believe in you.
You care that you let your best self down. Well,
I say this:  “Old you, meet the new you, the best you.” It’s an experience,
and all the experiences you have had in your life –
you can turn those into something amazing.

Do you believe you are amazing? You are! 

girl looking at her baby
You have a spark of goodness in you that the rest of the world needs to see.
You are raising your child the best way you know.
You are determined to be a better parent than the ones you were given.
You will do things in new ways. You will do good things
for yourself and your child.
Your bravery inspires me. You have inspired me to take a leap I was afraid to take.
You have inspired me to create something new in my life.
Thank you for just being so totally and perfectly yourself.
You helped me see my own best self.

 

Photos Copyright by Maureen Shaughnessy, Raymond LaRose, Mark Sebastian and Sam Agnew.

 

Reading Matters

You can tell alot about people by the books in their homes. Here are a few of the books Tim and I have in our living room.  What can you tell?

Books on our shelf

Book of Fours by Joyce Ellen Davis

My friend and writer/poet/blogger/nature-lover/people-lover-especially-grandchildren-lover, Joyce Ellen Davis, has recently published her (at least) 3rd book of poetry, A Book of Fours.

I love the cover, but I might be biased — it’s my artwork — :-} and after I read her poems (which I know I will love because I always do appreciate Joyce’s language and insight and flowingness) I will write an update to this post.

It’s an honor, Joyce, to have my collage with your poetry. Thank you.

Off to buy Joyce’s book!